Things will get hard

I’m at a point where I desperately (such a negative word!) want to succeed. I have a lot to say. I want to show people that what I have to say has value, that i have a reason for being. 

I am working on finding a voice this year, while also diving deep into what is and isn’t working about my art. Why do I enjoy making it? Why should anyone look at it, or enjoy it, or need it in their lives? I posted on a popular new art group on Facebook today- partially to network, to build a following, to gain something. I got 22 likes. I know my art isn’t exactly terrible. But I encounter the same wall every time. It’s not hitting. Somewhere, in the ether, people do not connect to what my art has to say. I search for beauty in my work, as most do. But am I saying anything valueable? This doesn’t have to be significant- it isn’t a treatise on the suffering of the world or making a political artistic statement. In the end, I just want to make something cool to look at. Is that enough? Obviously not, I think... 

I am not shallow. I am someone who looks for meaning in too many things. I shoulder the world, take blame for too much of it, and suffer in the creation of making. But this isn’t speaking to anyone. Am I trapped in my own insecurity? Or is it a simple stumble in marketing? How much time do I spend on beating myself up about it before getting back to work? What am I taking from this that will move me forward rather than keep me bound? 

This is what I endure, and I’m sure most artists do every day. We are never going to be sure if we are good enough, if we are clever enough, insightful enough. I have to know that it is the ones that endure that make something memorable. It’s possible. And I’ll show you. If I can, anyone can. An uphill struggle is a worthy effort. If you think you suck, well, you might. But if we give up today then there was never a point. See it through. Even if that means for your whole life. Because this is the only thing you’ve ever wanted.